I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
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I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
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I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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