Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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