chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
