When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
