Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
