Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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