The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
