I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
