Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
