I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
