There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
