two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
