Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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