Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
