Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
