Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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