i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
