he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Shame is for Republicans.
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