That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
