You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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