I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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