She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
