I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
