I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
