I am spending my child support on dildos
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
