So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
