Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
