Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
