I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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