sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
