Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
