I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
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Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
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I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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