high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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