Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
