I'm so fucking centered right now
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
