Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
