fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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