he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
