Soap is not a condiment
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
