I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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