There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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