Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
