i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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