My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
