she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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