My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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