That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
