just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
