I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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