Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
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Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
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And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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