so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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