so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
