Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
