Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
