I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
